The Internal War... *explicit*
More often than not, all I can feel is anger.
I'm not normally an angry person. Sure I can get fired up... but never to the point where I feel the need to scream at the top of my lungs and feel the need to punch something... or cause pain to something.
And because I have to show that I'm doing ok on the outside, the only way to release all of the hatred and anger I have inside, is to cry.
I am so f**kin sick of crying.
I'd much rather go do something irrational or scream at someone (blame someone for all of this). Frustratingly enough, that's not the type of person I am. Or at least not who I used to be.
Who is this girl that is so pissed off?! Acceptance doesn't seem like it will ever happen. I am so over everything.
They say that when a loved one passes away, they take a part of you with them...
Well, Ash took a big part of me with her. Or at least that's how I feel.
I'm not the person I used to be or want to be. I'm so angry and pessimistic about everything.
I don't have hopes or dreams. And if I do, they are covered and hidden by a dark cloud of anger, hatred, depression.
It's like I've given up on the inside.
This new person just goes through the motions that a normal happy person should do.
The only reason I keep going, is to pass this damn PTA exam.
So it's not a waste of money.
My passion for every f**kin thing that I had is gone.
I just don't care anymore.
Welcome to the internal torment and war.
No, I don't want to inflict pain upon myself.
No, I am not suicidal.
But a world without Ashley is hell.
Tomorrow is 3 months.
Three hellish months since Ashley was killed.
This is my reality.
The cold, hard, reality...
And I am not surviving very well.
I'm not normally an angry person. Sure I can get fired up... but never to the point where I feel the need to scream at the top of my lungs and feel the need to punch something... or cause pain to something.
And because I have to show that I'm doing ok on the outside, the only way to release all of the hatred and anger I have inside, is to cry.
I am so f**kin sick of crying.
I'd much rather go do something irrational or scream at someone (blame someone for all of this). Frustratingly enough, that's not the type of person I am. Or at least not who I used to be.
Who is this girl that is so pissed off?! Acceptance doesn't seem like it will ever happen. I am so over everything.
They say that when a loved one passes away, they take a part of you with them...
Well, Ash took a big part of me with her. Or at least that's how I feel.
I'm not the person I used to be or want to be. I'm so angry and pessimistic about everything.
I don't have hopes or dreams. And if I do, they are covered and hidden by a dark cloud of anger, hatred, depression.
It's like I've given up on the inside.
This new person just goes through the motions that a normal happy person should do.
The only reason I keep going, is to pass this damn PTA exam.
So it's not a waste of money.
My passion for every f**kin thing that I had is gone.
I just don't care anymore.
Welcome to the internal torment and war.
No, I don't want to inflict pain upon myself.
No, I am not suicidal.
But a world without Ashley is hell.
Tomorrow is 3 months.
Three hellish months since Ashley was killed.
This is my reality.
The cold, hard, reality...
And I am not surviving very well.
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