Ramble….

 I know my mom and my dad love me. They love me to the best of their ability, to the best of their knowledge of how to love. Both of them came from families with difficult upbringings, and it wasn’t always known how to show love in a physical way. However, that doesn’t mean that I struggle to know how to feel loved by my parents. That could only demonstrate that so much through words without actually acting with physical touch, or embrace. 

Now that I am a mom, I have grown to know the lack of emotional support and physical love that I never had as a child. And with that, I try to do my best to show my kids love through emotion, physical, and mental support. Whether it be by kisses and hugs, words of affirmation, or recognition of their accomplishments. 

Although I grew up with parents from different backgrounds and upbringings, as well as being a child who has been through traumatic events, whether it was physical or emotional. I know my parents did the best that they could with what they knew how. Especially with living through their divorce, foster care, and marriages on both sides. 

I still struggle to know what true love means, especially as an adult to my parents. It feels like the love was always under specific or certain conditions. I don’t know what unconditional love feels like outside of my husband and my kids. 

I wouldn’t say that I have toxic parents or toxic relationships with my parents. But I do feel like both mother and father could benefit from therapy in a way to understand their childhood, and better themselves for parents and grandparents of their children and grandchildren. So that they could start, the process of changing generational trauma . 

You don’t realize how difficult love can be, or can be until being a parent yourself. I love my children unconditionally, and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for them. But because of my upbringing, it feels like me, and my siblings were always the center of an argument, or the center of a condition that was agreed-upon with the divorce decree. 

The one thing that I can put forward for both my parents is that communication is key. By communicating, you are expressing feelings, or emotions that have caused you to feel a certain way dependent upon events that happened in your life. It is not a way of pointing fingers, or blame towards one person or another. It’s essential to have communication to better relationships and understanding of each other’s emotions. 

Both my parents mean well, especially when it comes to being part of their grand children’s life. They do the best they can with what they’ve been taught or shown. However, that does not mean that it feels like it is enough some days. It feels like there are empty promises and unrealistic goals.

 As a mom, my job is to show my children unconditional love with complete understanding of emotions, feelings, and educating through difficult situations in order to become a better person with better communication and understanding of others around you.This life is not fair, and there will be circumstances that challenge you through life, however, with the tools that we are given into adulthood, we will learn how to best approach those situations with a clear mind and calmness. In order to understand all aspects without judgment or discrimination.