Another Birthday Missed

 Hey Ash, 

Me again. Just checking in. Oh, by the way… Happy Birthday. I hope you’re ok. I miss you. I often wonder what you’re busy doing.

But man… could you have somehow made a last minute decision to change things? Like, ask for a ride home? Call dad or Kayla to come pick you up? Or just sleepover with your friends even though you might have gotten in trouble for not coming home? Any of those would have been better than the real outcome. 

Where would you be right now? What was your major going to be? Would you have travelled the world? Found a boyfriend? Got a job? Bought a car? Please tell me. 

Who would you have become? A star athlete playing college tennis? A mentor? A girlfriend? Where would you be working and living? 

So many unanswered questions and so many unknowns. How do I not know this?? You’re my sister. I should have known. And I don’t. 

God I was so caught up in my life, my dreams, my goals. That I don’t have a clue who you were. Do you know how that feels?? Like absolute dog shit. I always chose stupid boys over you and our sisters. And that’s a regret I’ll carry in my heart till I die. 

You were always there for me. Always a text or call away. Always ready to answer. And me? College stole me. My boyfriend stole me. Life… robbed me of time spent with you. And I’m sorry. 

This isn’t about me though. Happy Birthday Ash. You’d be 25. I know you’d be such an amazing person. Striving to change things for good, always caring for those around you, spreading love and fighting for what you believe in. 

And the BEST god damn aunt my kids could ask for. Loving unconditionally and fiercely. Something that we all need(ed) in our lives. You were so good with kids. Nixon knows you, points to your picture and says your name. They know you. All your nieces and nephews. I know they came to this earth knowing you. 

The day is coming up… 7 years gone and Another Birthday missed. I love you Ash. Happy Birthday sis ❤️‍🩹