Handling Toxicity

 So… it’s been just over a year since I posted. And coincidentally… this post is relatable to the last one. Over the last several years, I’ve attempted to allow my birth mother a relationship with me and my family. And pretty consistently she has promised things she can’t promise or follow through with. Which I have taken with a grain of salt because she is manipulative, narcissistic, and various other things; and has been my ENTIRE life. Ok? So I know that these things will never happen, I’ll never get the package of diapers I’ve been promised for over two years… and I’ll never have the mother-daughter relationship I’ve dreamed of. That’s fine. I’m 30 years old. I can handle these let downs because let’s be honest… they’ve happened my entire life. Not looking for pity here, just setting a preface. 

Now backing up a few years… about 4 or so. I started therapy, mostly to learn coping mechanisms and understanding of Ashley’s death. But also, dealing with trauma in general. Specifically trauma endured as a child and victim of domestic abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse and possibly sexual? I haven’t dared dive too deep with EMDR yet. So in these sessions came up the topic of my mother, who is WELL known in the carbon and Emery areas. My therapist relayed to me some of my mothers mental health issues and how to take control of a relationship with these types of people. Specifically toxic family members. 

You have to CONTROL the relationship. You are in CHARGE of every aspect of it, and you have to set boundaries. So knowing these things, I went into this relationship with my mom and having an open mind, I was up front with her about my boundaries and expectations. She agreed to follow those and has done so pretty well (considering). Well, tonight that all changed. Which just shows me that I can’t depend on any relationship with her. 

I feel bad for her in a way. She’s been stripped of her childhood and thrown into adult situations before she could comprehend life. It’s not completely her fault. But, I also do not need her toxicity. She needs help. Professional help. And I don’t think she knows how to get it or really realize how dire it is for her well being. 

I’ve given her multiple chances over the last 7 years and I’m done expending my energy and emotions for something that is not in my best interest or my family’s. 

Goodbye mom.